September 14, 2021
Are you suffering from Leaky Boundary Syndrome due to a people-pleasing behavior pattern?
Here’s a concept I learned in a mindfulness / cognitive behavioral therapy course that may be helpful to you. Give yourself a mindfulness bell, also known as a cue, also known as an anchor – a specific word, phrase, sound – that you associate with the people-pleasing pattern. My lane is in sound, but you could also use an image, movement, body sensation, etc.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of that people-pleasing pattern, bring up that mindfulness cue and make a different choice that interrupts the people-pleasing pattern.
For example, let’s say your cue is an ominous orchestral sound, the kind you hear in a horror film just before a killer shark attacks a swimmer, or just before a kid makes the bad decision to go deeper into the woods, or open that attic door that’s been locked for 100 years.
Meanwhile, in real life, a guy texts you “hey, I know this great restaurant in my neighborhood. Let’s meet up for a date on Saturday.” He wants YOU to travel to HIM and his neighborhood is 90 minutes away.
Maybe the old you would reluctantly say yes and immediately feel annoyed with yourself afterwards. But now you hear the ominous sound, which triggers you to say something like “actually that’s not going to work for me. I prefer meeting at a place that’s more mutually convenient.”
It’s an effective practice to feel empowered in the present moment as you assert stronger boundaries.
How does this connect to voice? Why do so many of us have difficulty jumping right to saying NO as soon as we feel it, without the help of a mindfulness cue? Answer: unraveling a lifetime of please-aholic conditioning from the nervous system requires interrupting the old behavior patterns as we establish the new ones. And integrating voice with mindfulness has a uniquely powerful effect on rewiring our brains from conditioned reactions to conscious responses.
If sound is your lane and you would love to explore how to experience sound and empower your voice in practical ways that may surprise and delight you, contact me at lushtongue@gmail.com. I’ve opened up slots to resume working with folks one on one.
Sign up for a Voke 1:1 – Six Session Series! Work with me privately one on one to go deeper into the practice of using your voice to tune into the power of your own wisdom. You can set a specific intention and focus for the entire Six Session Series – such as preparation for an upcoming audition or presentation. Or maybe you have a generally nagging sense of feeling creatively stuck, unfulfilled, stressed, or somehow less than fully self-expressed, and you want to restore your vitality and inspiration through this fun pathway of self-discovery! Over the course of the Six Session Series, you will be given the tools to deepen your listening, soothe your nervous system, cultivate a heart-centered presence, heighten consciousness, gain intuitive clarity, optimize well-being, claim and manifest your intentions.
Register here for the Voke 1:1 – Six Session Series. After purchase, you will be able to schedule the six appointment times that work for you.
Onome is a vocalist, creativity catalyst, facilitator and interdisciplinary artist of Urhobo heritage in the Niger Delta. She incorporates improvisation into her practice as a tool to expand consciousness, creativity, and personal development. Through her audience-interactive performances, workshops and sound installations, Onome embodies joy, enchantment, and infinite possibility. She is a partner artist at Carnegie Hall as a core member of the vocal improvisation ensemble, Moving Star.
She has performed at hundreds of venues nationally, recorded soundscapes for podcasts, and created vocal film scores. She received her MFA in Performance Studies at Pratt Institute. She is the artistic director for Lush Tongue, a vocal improvisation project where sound, creativity, self-discovery, connection, and joy converge through singing—via sound healing sessions, workshops, vocal coaching, retreats, and concerts. She leads Soul Incites, a women’s self-development community. She got her start in spoken word poetry and opera via Nuyorican Poets Cafe and New York University, and now facilitates community vocal immersions at concert halls, conferences, galleries, museums, schools, cultural centers, shelters, prisons, parks, churches, online, wherever voices gather.